I Still Miss You
by Nightcrawler's Shadow
Summary: A darker Kurtty songfic. Death and suicide. Yes, both end with people dead but, gah, just read and you'll get it!


Disclaimer: I don't own X Men or the song.

_There she was, 5'3 a picture of my mother's mother._

The second Kurt saw her, he fell head over tail for Kitty. She was beautiful and had that same air of life around her his grandmother had.

_  
She showed me love, and all the ways of God_

He'd grown up a devote Christian and he loved his God and he'd thought he'd understood all his teachings, and then Kitty came into his life. She proved to him that certain things came to be in the most unexpected way. Like falling in love with a ghost was possible.

_  
Her final days were spent in bed where she passed away._

She'd been coughing for a few days, everyone had just thought it was a cold but this 'cold' quickly progressed into something so much worse.

Kurt was to be the one to break the news to her and it was killing him.

She looked up, her face pale and drawn but still beautiful as she smiled at him from her bed, "Hey Fuzzy."

Kurt couldn't even attempt to smile, "Katzchen...there's something you need to know." He spoke thickly, his voice catching in his throat.

Her face fell slightly and she looked concerned, "Fuzzy Elf?"

He couldn't fight the tears that started to fall from his eyes.

"Kitty..."

_  
I won't forget her smiling face when she left us that night_

_  
"But I still miss you. All the times we spent together, to hear you talk about the weather. I always prayed you'd get well soon."_

_  
I wish my prayers came true.  
I know Jesus has the answer._

She was crying,she thought she was alone as she felt her body start to fail. Kurt slipped into the room. It was midnight and no one was watching over her, but he was. He always was.

"Kurt?" she sniffed and he carefully scooped her into his arms and sat with her in his lap.

"I'm scared Kurt."

Kurt sniffed and kissed the top of her head, "It's okay Keety. It's okay. You'll be safe and healthy soon." He whispered past the tears.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you." She cried into his chest, "You can't let me leave you. I can't...I can't exist without you." The last part was whispered.

"You'll alvays have me." He told her, tightening his hold around her thin frame.

"Kurt...I love you." She spoke quietly.

"I love you too Katzchen, I alvays have."

_  
And He's way bigger than the cancer in you  
But I still miss you._

She passed away in his arms and he sobbed and held her until someone had come in around daybreak. After the funeral he hadn't spoken to anyone and he barely ate anything, never leaving his room. He remained alone for so long he began to forget the others' faces, but not hers, never hers.

_  
If dreams came true, just one more chance to talk to you.  
And thank you for the time you spent teaching me the truth._

He wasn't a demon that was something she'd proven to him. It was the truth. He still wanted to talk to her though. When he was forced to go back to school, his inducer was ripped from him and he was revealed as he truly was. People screamed and he only wanted to hear her angelic voice telling him he wasn't a demon, and those people were wrong. But those prayers remained unanswered.

_  
A boy back then, I've grown up, now I'm a man.  
I can finally understand the things you said to me._

She'd once told him that it was possible to love someone more than you thought possible, despite the odds. He'd had no idea what she was talking about until now.

She'd been talking about how she'd loved him, he understood because it was the same way he felt about her.

__

"But I still miss you. All the times we spent together. To hear you talk about the weather. I always prayed you'd get well soon. I wish my prayers came true."

Kneeling before her grave, the moon bright behind the storm clouds that swirled in the sky. He missed her so much he didn't think he'd make it on his own anymore. It was becoming a trial to breathe even.

_  
I know Jesus has the answer  
And He's way bigger than the cancer in you._

_  
"But I still miss you." _He whispered past the block in his throat. It still hurt, after a few months, it still hurt. He needed some sort of guidance.

__

I need some help to carry on.  
I need some strength to keep me strong...

He was alone without her, she haunted him restlessly. It was torture. It felt like she was beside him at every second, and yet he was more alone than ever.

He swallowed and raised the dagger before his eyes. He could almost hear her voice in his mind, telling him he was being stupid and he needed to go on.

"I can't go on without you Kitty." He whispered softly.

The dagger plunged into his chest easily and he only felt a small shock of pain before he laid to rest beside her grave. He could hear voices in the distance and he hoped they'd find the note he'd left for them in his room. He loved them all, but he couldn't go on without his Katzchen any longer.

oOo

Her face swirled into focus before him. She looked sad but understanding at the same time.

"Hey Fuzzy Elf." She whispered softly.

oOo

A/N: This is a strange piece of work from me. Every time I hear this song I nearly cry, I don't know why. But I was listening to it the other day and I needed to write something for it so here you are. **The song is I Still Miss You, by Hawk Nelson.**

Read, review and show some love!


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